What Looks Good to Me

What are we hiding from? What are we avoiding? We come up with these lies and excuses as to why bad situations or messes we get ourselves in are present still. 

I’m guilty for shutting truth out. I’m notorious for ignoring wisdom and saying “no this way is better.” But everything starts to look good when we keep our eyes closed..

I’m also known to shut my self away from things that are good for me. 

Life changes. Relationships. Sacrifices etc. 

But we become afraid of change and the unknown. Well what happens when I say no to this? Or what happens if I say yes to this? 

We know our environments so well so it’s no surprise that we don’t want to acknowledge anything else that comes out different. 

If all you’ve known is a bad situation then all you’ll ever expect and want is a bad situation. And if you’re constantly shutting out what’s good you’ll never know exactly the kind of life you’re missing. 

What’s your niche like? Where’s your comfort zone? Does it grow? Or does it stay the same and even shrink? 

See it’s not about breaking away from your comfort zone.. It’s about expanding your comfort level. How can you do that if you never try anything? 

“But everything starts to look good when we keep our eyes closed.” 

What’s Brushed Under the Rug: Service Anouncement

About Anxiety

There are plenty of different forms of Anxiety. And most cases of Anxiety are caused by something. I don’t think you can just be born with it. 

There are five different types of Anxiety that doctors have pin pointed.

  • Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) I think of this as the generic brand. 
  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (believe it or not)
  • Panic Disorder
  • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
  • Social Phobia (Social Anxiety)

The disorders that I have pinpointed in my own life are a few of these.. OCD, PTSD and Social Anxiety

I use to think it would be impossible for me to struggle with these things until it started taking affect in my life. So just to brush up on some education of the things in my life that I’ve allowed to be brushed under the rug. But I want to talk about it now. 

I am a victim of sexual assault. Like so many others. And I don’t talk about this subject lightly. For the longest time I suffered from reoccurring nightmares, paranoia, depression and many other things that came with Anxiety. I never talked about it before because I was told not to. I grew up confused about my sexuality and couldnt understand why I was so afraid to be with someone of the opposite sex. 

But throughout my life as I got older and even now.. I still struggle with these things. 

Oh, I’m sorry.. was I suppose to say that I don’t have these issues anymore? No I do. But the difference is, is I’ve learned how to not tolerate my Anxiety, but to do the opposite of what it tells me.

Now sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose. It’s not glamorous. It’s not easy. Every day I think about what happened. And every day I think about the relationship opportunities I’ve turned away because of them. 

Now I’m not an expert. But here’s something I’ve figured out. Time may heal some wounds.. But time can’t heal all wounds. There are some things that have a lasting effect on people. And it’s not easy to explain to others. I mean, it’s not like I can go on every first date I go on saying ‘hey! By the way I have Anxiety and I may try to push you away!’ 

But something that I have found, made me hopeful.. That although I’ve gone through some poorly ended dates. Or poorly started. I’ve learned exactly the type of man that is not strong enough to hold me up. And I’ve also  learned the type of man who is

All I’m saying is, darkness comes in different shapes and different colors. But light has always been recognizable from the very start. So if even though I don’t look like I struggle. I do. But the key is light has a way of showing me today when darkness only wants to show me yesterday.